The Case For Sex In Literature
Let’s talk about sex, baby!
If there’s one thing about me that is pretty obvious to anyone who knows me, it’s that I am extremely sex-positive. The sex-positive movement is one I care a lot about. Sex is something most people have. It’s normal, healthy, fun, and it shouldn’t be taboo. Being hush-hush about it just makes it dirty and secretive.
I’ve been in a lot of online debates with other writers about writing explicit sex in novels. I think it’s an important part of life, and we write life. One woman told me that going to the bathroom is an important part of life, too, but she doesn’t want to read about characters using the bathroom. Honestly, if you are comparing sex and using the bathroom, I feel really sorry for your sex life.
The Difference Between Explicit Sex And Erotica
Okay, this is not a hard and fast rule. The line between romance and erotica is a thin one. And then you turn things infinitely more complicated when you make “erotic romance” a different category from erotic. But here are some of the generally agreed-upon ideas:
Erotica is what the fanfiction community would call “PWP.” That’s “porn without plot” or “plot? what plot?” depending on who you ask. Just like you don’t watch porn for the great acting and storylines, you don’t read erotica for the story. It’s basically written porn.
Erotic romance or explicit romance is just that: romance with graphic sex. But you don’t have to be writing a romance novel to include sex.
The vocabulary is different. It’s the difference between “cock” and “member,” or “cum” and “come.” Erotica is going to use dirtier language. Explicit sex scenes are going to be a lot prettier and more romantic. And erotic romance is somewhere in between.
There will be more sex scenes, and they will be longer, in erotica and erotic romance than other types of novels.
A Long, Long History
Yes, that heading is a double entendre.
Did you know the oldest written erotic romance—that we know of—is about 4000 years old? There is an erotic love poem written in cuneiform from ancient Mesopotamia.
And people didn’t just stop writing about sex! I mean, have you read the Song of Solomon in the Bible? The Greeks and Romans have a ton. The Satyricon is an ancient Roman novel, and it is graphic! There are orgies!
Later centuries gave us even more erotic poetry and erotic fiction. It’s not new.
Why It Matters
It’s fitting that it’s Banned Books Week, because Judy Blume is one of my favorite banned authors. She has been banned repeatedly for her explicit YA content. I learned a lot from Judy Blume as a teenager. She wrote openly about masturbation in Deenie. And my copy of Forever was worn out! I read it probably a dozen times, and I let all of my friends read it.
I learned a lot more about how sex actually worked and what to expect from that book than anything else. We know that porn can give young people a lot of unrealistic messages about sex, and some of those are harmful. But books like Forever show the nerves that go into having sex. It shows that sex can be awkward, and it talks about the emotions that go along with it.
I discussed this on an Instagram post with some YA authors. They said it’s creepy when adults write sex between teens. But if it’s done right, it’s not. First of all, we were all teens with raging hormones at one point. It’s normal to revisit that time in our thoughts.
And wouldn’t you rather teens learn about sex and sexual empowerment from people who know what they are doing? If the only sex they are exposed to comes from free porn streamed in secret, they are going to think they’re doing sex wrong when it happens. Or worse—they’ll have sex and only know the mechanics (or less!) They won’t understand what is normal and what isn’t. And they won’t be encouraged to seek what they want.
Books are educational and inspirational. Most kids don’t get comprehensive sexual education in America. And comprehensive sex ed doesn’t even focus on pleasure! And no matter how open of a parent you are, are you really talking with your kids about all the ways to achieve pleasure?
While Hell’s Revenge will be packaged as New Adult, the book starts when Angélica is just a teen. It’s 1692, so she’s a bit more mature than our current teens. Not by much, though. And I am choosing to write a realistic, healthy loss-of-virginity scene. The first time isn’t talked about nearly enough, and it’s scary even if you know what to expect. A lot of times, it’s made out to be this totally amazing, perfect thing. And let’s be honest, the first time is usually pretty awkward.
We need books that normalize the whole sexual experience. And that’s not even getting into the importance of diversity and LGBTQ+ representation. We need a lot more sex that isn’t cis-het.
That’s just the case for sex in YA. Adult characters deserve sex, and so do adult readers.
“Sex Is Always Written Badly”
No. You’re reading the wrong books. Ask me for recommendations.
But I Don’t Write Erotic Romance!
I know. Neither do I. But I do write explicit sex scenes. Why? Because romance is an important part of my stories, and my characters are adults. Sex is an important part of romantic relationships. (Most people don’t identify as asexual.) Sex is beautiful and magical, and my characters deserve it. Sure, I fade to black a lot. Otherwise, Amarice and Quinn would be doing nothing but having sex. But when it serves the plot, my characters have sex.
Foreplay Without The Big Finish
I recently read a book that I loved. I didn’t realize it was YA when I picked it up, and I’m glad I didn’t. I tend to shy away from most YA literature these days. It’s getting harder for me to relate to the characters. But these characters were beautifully written. And honestly, they were old enough and mature enough for the book to be categorized as New Adult.
My one complaint was that there was no payoff to the sexual tension. And there was a LOT of sexual tension. I mean, to the point that the protagonist was grinding on her antagonist/love interest. Their kisses were hot and passionate. She wore clothes that she knew showed off her assets to try and seduce him.
But no payoff.
It reminded me of a few bad encounters in my younger years.
If you’re going to write steaming sexual tension, you need to give your readers payoff. This goes for anything in writing. Foreshadowing needs payoffs. Red herrings need payoffs.
Sex In Books > Sex In Movies
I have never been able to verbalize why I prefer reading sex over watching it. And then I saw this amazing slam poetry by Brenna Twohy. Seriously, click this link and watch it. (NSFW, if you haven’t figured that out.)
But she put into words what so many people, especially women, feel about porn. Porn is usually presented through the male gaze. And sure, there is feminist porn. But a lot of us need the story.
Here’s what Brenna said:
“My sex cannot be packaged. My sex is magic. It is part of a bigger story. I am whole. I exist when you are not fucking me.”
Yes! We can write ourselves into the stories we read. We can get the whole story and feel the emotions of the characters. And no matter how much casual, NSA sex you’re having, sex is inherently emotional. It’s all those lovely chemicals that spike in our brains during sex.
Look, if reading and writing sex isn’t for you, that’s fine. But don’t shame writers who write it. Writing sex is hard (hehe). All writing has its own challenges, and no one is better just because of the genre or style they write in. And don’t shame readers who want sex, either!
Sex isn’t shameful.